i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
