Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
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Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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