How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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