she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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