I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
