i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
