2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
