Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
