Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
