If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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