sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
