I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
