there's paper in my vomit.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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