:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
