Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
