hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just had sex bonerless
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
