Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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