last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize