I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
