Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
