When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
