I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
