ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
