i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
