There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
