I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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