it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
