I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
