I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
