first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
