I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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