ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
