he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
