k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it's like iHOP with fire
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
