that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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