every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
