There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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