Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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