you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
