I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
