College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
