we have officially lost it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
