What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
