i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
