The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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