I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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