Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
