There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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