Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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