apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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