Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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