She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
