she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
