you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
