I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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