you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
