We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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