You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
