I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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