So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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