Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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