apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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