i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
