There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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