do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
