There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The ass gains better be worth it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
