Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
