I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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