can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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